'When you can tell your story and it doesn't make you cry, you know you are healing.'

- unknown.



Where have I been? I ask myself that same question. The past few months have been an emotional blur, I find myself waking up tired and floating through the days. To make it easier, here is the big update.

My mother has undertaken 2 cycles of chemotherapy, which entitles 4 sessions in total over a two month period. She has also been in hospital a lot recently because as a symptom, she has developed blood clots in her lungs. It's an ongoing battle with more medication and injections daily for a further three months. Then there is also the upcoming scans in the following weeks to investigate if her cancer has spread, this could result in many more cycles of chemotherapy, all before we start the radiotherapy.

Hurrah, we have finally booked our wedding! After years of being engaged, Jacob developing his walking on his prosthetics and feeling like it was now or never, we did it. We went to the open day of our dream location and made the big day a reality. It's not going to be cheap, but damn I feel like we need this. A celebration of our lives together and this whole journey, I cannot wait, 2020.

Just when I thought I had it all under control... panic attacks are becoming more frequent and I feel my anxiety slipping back in to its old habits. I have a lot going on and I do overwork myself, but it is finding that balance and the process of 'working on me', finding my happy place and letting go of all those unwanted emotions.

Every time you go through something 'big' in life, you are woken up to see the amount of people you have around you. After the years of going through multiple tests, lets just say I am left with very little... but the ones I do have are appreciated more than they will ever know. I have been shown the foundations of a true friendship and I feel I have finally learnt what a 'friend' really means. There is one girl in my life who I cherish more than she knows. She has never seen me, never heard my voice, but is always the first one by my side... metaphorically. Friendship is a beautiful, powerful thing.

Jacob and I celebrated our six year anniversary. I don't really know what to say about this without being too mushy for once, but, this man is my best friend and I could not imagine life without him. Our lives have only developed further, but this 3 year anniversary video explaining our journey so far still sums up everything.

I'm not in the best place, but I am in a place where I can appreciate what I have. The whole negative aspects of what I feel daily are helping me to push through, so when my head hits that pillow I can feel like I have accomplished something that day. A friend of mine told me, when discussing the term 'strong', that I am not strong for dealing with what I have experienced, I am strong for progressing with life and getting up each morning. And for that, I am proud.

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