'When you can tell your story and it doesn't make you cry, you know you are healing.'

- unknown.




When my Mother told me she had cancer, I felt nothing, empty. I had never learnt this emotion I was about to live with. The fear of the unknown mixed with the prospect of the future, combined with worry and love. How can anybody comprehend this? Nobody is programmed for this moment in their life. Nobody knows how to react, what to say, how to live a normal life, because nobody thinks they would ever be greeted with the C word.

I am unfortunate to feel this pain and see the Mother I love suffer, although I still remain fortunate than most. Trying to place my open mind on the paths they lead gives me a sense of respect. Sitting in the dark and hearing the word echoing around me leaves me feeling cold. Cold to the world. The people we love and who brings us happiness, the people we cross paths with who shine nothing other than light, the people who support you in your times of need, the people who have walked the earth and helped to shape society, the people who fought in wars to protect our rights, the children. The fucking children.

How can this world expect the smallest yet sweetest souls suffer the unexplainable pain? Watching another programmed similar to the way I live my life, yet carrying the most intrusive pain leaves me heartbroken. We are only at the beginning of my Mother’s journey. It will be tough, it will be draining, but it will be shown a true and honest fight.

Once being greeted with the C word, it becomes repetitive in your vocabulary. It drives conversations and whilst leaving others speechless, it develops a whole new chapter. Although I hope we can make this a short story.

Chapter one. Cancer.
Chapter two. Chemotherapy.
Chapter three. Cured.

The only C word I long to hear.

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